Malec
by Take Me To My Fragile Dreams
Summary: A series of non-related one-shots all revolving around Magnus and Alec!
1. Erasing The Hate

**So this has some slight smut in it, not really _too_ explicate per-say but just in case I'm warning you.**

**Ah. And for those of you who might not know what this story entails... THIS IS A BOYXBOY STORY! SO FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO DO NOT ENJOY THAT PARTICULAR THING, I ADVISE YOU TO TURN BACK NOW!**

**With that said please leave a comment and tell me what you think!**

**;3**

**~TMTMFD**

* * *

_"...And it's no picnic being different. You want to know what it's like when your parents are good churchgoing folk and you happen to be born with the devil's mark?" He pointed at his eyes, fingers splayed. "When your father flinches at the sight of you and your mother hangs herself in the barn, driven mad by what she's done? When I was ten, my father tried to drown me in the creek. I lashed out at him with everything I had -burned him where he stood. I went to the fathers of the church eventually, for sanctuary. They hid me. They say pity's a bitter thing, but it's better than hate. When I found out that I was really, only half a human being, I hated myself. Anything's better than that..."_

_~Magnus Bane, City of Bones page 231~_

* * *

It was not a rare occurrence for Magnus Bane, High Warlock of Brooklyn to wish he was never alive... To hate what he was born to be. In fact, it was almost natural to look in the mirror and loath what he saw staring back at him.

His eyes were what he hated the most; what set him apart from others... What marked him as an outcast; a spawn of demon. The smooth expanse of his stomach was another reminder of _what_ he was; _who _he was. He hated it all.

The extravagant clothes and the ridiculously eye-catching make-up were what kept him sane; because with it, he could almost imagine, almost _believe_, that the reason people stared at him, whispers upon their lips as they turned to their companions, were because of said clothing and make-up. Not because of his power or his eyes or his heritage. ...But one could only imagine so long before reality comes crashing back down.

Magnus Bane hated himself. He hated his eyes, his nonexistent belly button and the way everyone used him for his power. He hated it all, every last part of it. Or at least he had, right up until that blue-eyed black-haired beauty showed up on his doorstep in a sweatshirt and jeans, that, Magnus thought, though they hadn't been as tight as he would have liked, they had definitely showed enough to make his mouth water.

From the first look Magnus could tell that Alec Lightwood was not like his companions. While the pale-haired golden-eyed one -Jace as he now knew- had been demanding and arrogant, Alec had been soft spoken and honest. Magnus could tell the moment that the young Shadowhunter's eyes met his with honesty and curiosity plain in his eyes that Alec Lightwood was a noble and often times overshadowed, by the way Jace had ordered him around, young boy.

And he had had Magnus intrigued the moment their eyes met.

As their relationship had slowly escalated from teasing remarks to laughing conversations, to soft smiles and gentle kisses, to lust filled gazes and mouthwatering expressions, and to hot nights and secretive smirks; Magnus had found himself taking comfort in the boy and his whispered words that positively made his heart melt.

His eyes that Magnus had hated so much, Alec couldn't help but stare at. When questioned with hidden fears that the young Shadowhunter found him revolting, Alec had whispered gently whilst holding him close, _"I love your eyes Mags. They're beautiful. Just like you."_

The smooth expanse of his tanned skin, the Warlock learned, was one of Alec's favorite things. When they laid in bed together he would often find the boy's fingers tracing his chest and stomach. When they went out he would find himself the victim to gentle kisses on his neck and face that made his heart flutter like never before. And when they were at a party and Alec noticed the fluttering winks and suggestive looks aimed his way, Magnus would often find himself shoved against a wall or counter, possibly even a couch -what ever was near by really- hot lips smashing into his own and a pale tongue writhing against his mouth in a way that left him utterly breathless and aroused as pale hands worked their way over his exposed stomach. Needless to say it almost always -unless he was in a teasing mood- ended with a shouted, _"EVERYONE GET OUT!"_

His powers, as he quickly found out, intrigued his Shadowhunter, and he often found himself answering a random question or two about the basics of magic and just how he was able to control it. When the Warlock had asked why Alec was so interested he had simply shrugged saying with a faint blush that, _"It's a part of you, just like how being a Shadowhunter is a part of me. I just wanted to know more about what makes you, you." _Magnus couldn't believe how hard this boy could make him fall.

Magnus Bane, High Warlock of Brooklyn, hated himself. He hated his eyes, his nonexistent belly button and the way everyone used him for power. He hated that he was different, a spawn of demon and he hated how that was all anyone ever saw in him; however, with his young Shadowhunter by his side he found a new feeling towards himself besides hate. In a way he was almost grateful towards his demon side for allowing him to live this long and to meet this amazingly wonderful person. For allowing him, a man who had lived for over 800 years and who in those years had killed and sinned countless times before, to meet his angel and to be reborn.

For with Alec he was indeed reborn. It was through Alec's soft blue eyes that he was able to see the world again. That he was able to enjoy the trees and the grass and the air that filled his lungs. That he was able to truly open his eyes and see through the lens of self pity and hate that had clouded his gaze before.

It was through Alec's soft breaths that Magnus was able to breath easily, without the burden of immortality baring down on him, without the cold wall of hate constricting his chest in its tight grip.

And it was though the noises of the boy below, the breathless cries and the growled moans of ecstasy, that Magnus was truly able to live again. It was seeing the young Shadowhunter below him, skin flushed and face clenched with his head thrown back in pleasure, dark strands of soft ebony hair plastered to his neck and temples with sweat, that allowed the Warlock to fully feel the fire running through his veins and the way his heart pounded and clenched in awe of the creature below him; so beautiful and angel-like that sometimes Magnus wondered if he was nothing more than a dream; another imagined illusion. But then Alec would arch up into him, hands clawing at his back in pleasure as his head rested in the crook of his neck, breathless moans and panting breaths sounding in Magnus' ears, letting him know as he peppered the sweaty scared skin of his Shadowhunter's neck and shoulder with open mouthed kisses, that no this wasn't a dream. That this angel below him, withering in pleasure was his and his alone; ...and that he would never let him go. And as the black-haired blue-eyed boy cried out his name in full blown ecstasy, his pale fingers searching for his own, and as Magnus twined his fingers with his angel's, his mouth pressed against the pale expanse of his lover's neck, a muted cry of his name leaving the Warlock's lips as he bucked his hips and lost himself to the pleasure, he knew that he could never match what the Shadowhunter gave him. But as he collapsed on the bed, his black-haired blue-eyed beauty in his arms, he thought-

_"Magnus?"_ Alec whispered, fingers tracing circles on the smooth expanse of his slightly sweaty tanned stomach.

The Warlock's slited green eyes closed half way, a contented purr rising from his chest as he stroked the damp strands of his lover's hair. _"Yes, love?"_

_"I love you."_

It was nothing but a breathless whisper, spoken just on the brink of sleep, but it made Magnus' heart race all the same. He smiled gently at the peaceful form of his Shadowhunter, pressing his lips against his slightly damp temple as he closed his eyes in contentment. _"I love you too, darling."_

-That even though he may never be able to give Alec what the boy had already given him... He would danm well try. And though the Warlock didn't realize it, that was good enough for Alec.

* * *

_"...There was silence when Magnus was done speaking. To Clary's surprise, it was Alec who broke it. "It wasn't your fault," he said. "You can't help how you're born..."_

_~Alec Lightwood, City of Bones page 231~_


	2. IPod Challenge

**Okay so this has quite allot of angst and death in it; though there is also fluff, you just need to dig through it.**

**I'll definetly be doing this again, probably after my finals are after. Though I've had an obsession with Malec recently so I'll probably have another chapter up before then... But eh? Who knows?**

**.I'm interested in hearing which one you like the most! So please comment and tell me what you think!**

**;3**

**~TMTMFD**

* * *

The Used - Kissing You Goodbye

No, Magnus shook his head. He wouldn't do it, he refused! He would _not_ leave his Shadowhunter behind, he would not-! A sob tore through his throat as the blood spread, creating a pool of crimson. It was horribly ironic that one of the colors he had used to love so much would mean the end of his world. Magnus closed his eyes in defeat, the tears finally escaping in a torrent of pain. He wouldn't leave his Shadowhunter behind, but it seemed his Shadowhunter would leave him.

**xOoOoOox**

Ashley Tisdale - Me Without You

Alec wondered when he had come to depend on Magnus so desperately? When he had began to need him there when everything fell apart... When he began to need him there when it became to much when he broke down.

Sobs broke though his chest, and he sucked in a choked breath; burying his face into the taller man's chest as he whispered soothing words.

"Hush love," Magnus crooned, "It's alright." He brushed his hand through his matted ebony locks. "I'm right here."

**xOoOoOox**

3OH!3 - Streets of Gold

Alec didn't know how Magnus did it. How could he have so much charisma and put him self out there so much? Hell, if Alec tried that he would either die of embarrassment or everyone would laugh in his face. Which was why, when Magnus asked him if he could dress him up with glitter and tight clothes that Alec had said no. It was bad enough that people already thought him plain and boring, he didn't need them thinking he was a laughing stock as well.

Magnus flitted by, turning his head to show a smirk that made Alec's insides twist in on themselves with arousal and almost as if he could read his mind the Warlock winked, shaking his hips as he turned with a laugh leaving Alec with an noticeably bright red blush.

No, he didn't need to be glamorous or charismatic or have people drool over him. All he needed was the Warlock who was currently sauntering away from him towards the door... that led to his bedroom. Alec blinked in confusion and almost as if the Warlock felt his eyes on him -he supposed he did, Magnus seemed to have a knack for embarrassing him by pointing out his stares- he turned, his half lidded green eyes burning into his own blue ones with an hidden amusement as he crooked one of his long ring laden fingers before slipping into the bedroom.

Alec was more than willing to follow.

**xOoOoOox**

Avril Lavinge - Naked

When he was with Magnus Alec found himself wondering why he had been so afraid of being who he was; why he _still_ was. With Magnus he didn't have to pretend to be anything. He didn't _have_ to hide his emotions, because Magnus knew. With Magnus he was free to be anyone and anything, and the best part of it all? Magnus didn't want him to be anyone but himself.

It was right after he spent time with the Warlock that Alec felt at his most strong, both physically and emotionally. It was after being with him that, Alec would find himself striding through the streets towards his parents house with purpose. Thoughts of finally telling them the truth, of not having to hide anymore filling his head and filling him with relief and joy; and he would think about the look on Magnus' face when he told him that he wasn't afraid anymore. That he was free-

And then he saw his parents faces. His Mother faintly smiling and his Father with his stern expression, and he was afraid again and wishing he could have Magnus by his side, because god dammit! He didn't want to_ hide_ anymore. But he hid his disappointment and sorrow behind a tense smile, nodding his head toward his Father and weakly embracing his Mother.

And as he walked to his room head down, Alec thought about the day when he wouldn't be scared anymore.

**xOoOoOox**

The Click Five - Say Goodnight

"Mags?"

Magnus turned at the sound of his Shadowhunter's voice, a fist clamping around his heart and tightening as he took in Alec's disheveled appearance and sleepy voice. He was clad in a pair of Magnus' pale blue sweatpants, the Warlock had bought them a while back and hardly ever wore them for the lack of sparkles and leather, the ends dragging along the floor from the difference in height.

"Yes, love?" He murmured as Alec made his way to stand beside him, tripping over the hem of his pants on the way. Magnus darted forwards to catch him, long arms wrapping around his waist as he pressed his cheek against the top of his lovers ebony covered head.

"You left." His voice was muffled into the Warlock's bare chest and Magnus shivered at the way his heated breaths brushed against his bare chest.

"Sorry darling, I needed some air." He stroked his long tanned fingers through the soft hair at his Shadowhunter's neck, smiling gently when the boy beneath him shivered. "Come on love," Magnus murmured, taking the smaller boys hand as he began walking towards the open door and away from the balcony. "Lets go back to bed."

His Shadowhunter sighed in agreement.

**xOoOoOox**

My Darkest Days - Can't Forget You

Alec couldn't remember a more agonizingly painful experience then when Magnus had broken up with him. Everywhere he went he could only think of the Warlock, of the look of hurt on Magnus' face and the way his heart broke when he had had to walk away. Even his very dreams were against him, showing his scenes from when they had been together. Alec saw Magnus' smirk when he closed his eyes, heard his laugh deep and warm and welcoming and felt the soft brush of his fingers upon his hair as he laid soft open mouthed kisses upon his neck and jaw. He felt it all, saw it all, and he often found himself reaching out for something that was no longer there.

Jace had began avoiding him and his moods. Isabelle had given up on trying to consol him. And Clary could only offer him sympathetic smiles. His parents didn't understand; and they never would either. They would never realize that Magnus was the one thing, the one _person_, in the entire world that made him feel safe and welcome and wanted.

No, Alec shook his head as he walked down the street, shoulders hunched and head bowed. They would never understand, because they weren't the ones who had watched Magnus' expression as he finally opened up about his past. They hadn't felt the gentle way the Warlock held him in his arms as he kissed away the tears from the pain he had caused during their first time. And they hadn't woken up to Magnus' smiling face as the Warlock stroked Alec's hair back from his face.

They would never understand; because they hadn't fallen in love and they hadn't felt the heart wrenching pain that came with the separation of your other half.

**xOoOoOox**

The Click Five - When I'm Gone

Magnus thought that he had lived through everything there was. Love, loss, war, death. But nothing. _Nothing_! Compared to what he felt staring down at the frozen body of his love. Alec was an empty shell, skin so pale that purple bruises stood out as clear as day underneath his eyes. His always messy ebony locks were pushed back in an elegant hairstyle, not Alec-like at all, and they no longer held the same glassy shine as before. His pale eyelids covered his beautiful blue eyes. ...Eyes that Magnus would never look into again. His fist clenched at the injustice of it all. Why was it that the one time he found happiness, _true real_ happiness, it was ripped away from him so swiftly and quietly. He hadn't even had a chance to say goodbye! The Warlock's heart constricted. Alec, his beautiful sweet innocent Alec was gone. Gone! And he hadn't even been there to comfort him in his last moments. His heart cried at the injustice of it all.


	3. Perfect Is Not Me

**Angst angst and more angst. Why is it that that's all I can seem to write? Of course there's some fluffy goodness mixed in as well but my god! I really wish I could write something different and not so... Sad! *sigh* But alas, that's just how my poor demented and mutilated mind works.**

**Anyways...**

**So I noticed about halfway through that this kinda became a rant against homophobia. I was originally trying to show Alec's feelings of desperation and such towards the fact that being gay was forbidden and then as I was reading about half of it over I realized that the Shadowhunters are basically one big mess of homophobia. Boy did I feel stupid then. *face palm***

**But besides that I just want to say, that frankly homophobia disgusts me. I see no problem in same gender relationships, I believe that if its love, then its love. I actually have quite a few friends who are gay/bisexual, so frankly the things people to people just because they're 'different' both horrify and disgust me. But that of course is just me, so you'll have to forgive me if some of the things in the this fic are well... Harsh/dark/omfg-how-could-you-bastards-do-this-to-Alec? and such.**

**With that said, for those that aren't going to read this at all... WARNING: THIS FIC CONTAINS CUTTING AND HOMOPHOBIA! IF THOSE THINGS BOTHER OR OFFEND YOU THEN PLEASE TURN BACK NOW!**

**Songs that I would recommend listening to!:**

**Pink Floyd - Comfortably Numb**

**Five Finger Death Punch - Stranger Than Fiction**

**SafetySuit -Believe**

**Metro Station - Where's My Angel**

**So, please comment and the like, and enjoy!**

**;3**

**~TMTMFD**

* * *

**P**e_r_fe**c**t _I_s **N**_o_t **M**e

**.**

_"Alec, love..." Magnus murmured in concern._

**.**

Alex glared at the angry red lines on his wrists, tightening his hands into fists as tears poured from his unusually grey blue eyes.

Why did this always happen to him? Why was he unable to control his emotions? ...Emotions that he should have erased by now.

**.**

_"Why are you crying?"_

**.**

He wished he could be like Jace and lock his emotions away. Away in a dark dark hole, in a heavily locked chest in the very backs of his mind. But Alec wasn't Jace and he couldn't lock away his emotions.

**.**

_"Alec." Magnus murmured more insistently, crouching down next to the trembling form of the dark haired boy._

**.**

Why was it that he was always a failure? Couldn't he be good at one thing? Just once?

**.**

_Concerned cat-like green eyes watched as the ebony covered head shook back and forth, sending tears flying. "'No' isn't good enough, love."_

**.**

His Father had once told him that feelings made you weak, that they brought down your ability as a Shadowhunter, but that you should keep them within reach. Right now Alec just wished that he could get them to go away for even a _moment_, screw the 'keeping them within reach' part.

**.**

_The boy showed no indication of hearing his words, instead keeping his head bowed, not letting Magnus see his eyes. The Warlock frowned before letting out a soft whisper of a sigh, leaning against the wall the Shadowhunter rested on as he stretched his long leather-covered legs out in front of him._

**.**

Why did he have to be so different? Couldn't he have been like Jace, fearless and independent? Like Clary, skilful and smart? Or like Isabelle, pride-full and confident?

**.**

_Magnus stayed silent and unmoving for a moment, listening to the quite sniffles that came from the boy beside him before tilting his head up with a sigh and sliding his eyes shut. "I can't pretend to understand what you're going through, because I honestly don't know. After all, I never had to worry about disappointing the two people who gave birth to me; to them I was already a mistake."_

**.**

Alec was none of those things. He was shy and easily spooked, un-confident and self-conscious, scared and often overlooked. He was not magnificent or flawless. He did _not_ contain Jace's charisma and charm, nor did he posses Clary's swift-thinking or Izzy's fearlessness. He was average.

**.**

_"Loving someone that you can't have however," Magnus whispered, continuing on when the boy said nothing in return. "I can definitely understand that. The feelings of longing and desperation... Of wanting nothing more than to hold them close and cherish them... And yet knowing that they'll never let you." He forced a humorless laugh, eyes still closed as he shook his head, a sad smile playing across his face._

**.**

Or he supposed he would be if he wasn't _gay_. A freak. A Fag. ...An abomination.

**.**

_"But," He spoke, his voice softening to a whisper as his eyes slid half-way open. "That just makes finding someone who _will_ allow you to cherish and protect them whilst holding them tightly in your arms... that much more amazing and special."_

**.**

Now, he supposed this wouldn't be so much of a problem if he lived with a normal family with normal parents. But he didn't. ...And he never would.

**.**

_For a moment everything was silent and Magnus feared he had only sent the boy further into his depression when a soft pale scarred hand slipped into his, making Magnus jump slightly in shock before releasing a relieved breath he hadn't know he had been holding._

**.**

He lived in a family that killed demons, a family where, every night you went out could be your last. Where his sister wielded a razor-sharp whip and where his brother flung blades and wrestled things to the ground like nobody's business. He lived in a family, in a _lifestyle_, where if you were different... You were an outcast.

**.**

_He slowly turned to face the boy, reaching out the arm that wasn't currently being clenched in the young Shadowhunter's palm to touch his pale cheek, rubbing his thumb gently underneath the puffy red skin that rested just below the boy's downcast eyes._

**.**

Alec would be stripped of his marks and rank as a Shadowhunter if he ever came out about his little... Secret. And because of that he was forced to hide, loathing himself for being different. For being attracted to men instead of woman, for 'falling' for Jace, for being such a coward that he couldn't even kill a demon and for being so _god damn stupid_ and falling in love with a Downworlder; no matter how amazingly wonderful and perfect said Downworlder was.

**.**

_"Sweetheart, please tell me what's wrong." Magnus pleaded, drawing close. "I can't bare seeing you like this, in so much pain."_

**.**

How could things be like this? Weren't people supposed to be _happy_ when you found your other half? The one that made you inexplicably happy, who made your heart want to burst with happiness when they were around; who made you laugh when you wanted to cry and who, when in their arms, made you feel safe and protected and... As if you belonged?

**.**

_"Alec," The Warlock whispered, resting his forehead against the others as he moved to sit before him. "Please, please tell me what's wrong." His voice turned deep and throaty as he fought against the lump in his throat at seeing his Shadowhunter so full of pain and suffering and Magnus struggled to meet the boy's eyes, only to no avail._

**.**

The tears poured out faster now at the thought. He thought of Magnus, of the way his luminous eyes would light up in delight when his TV show came on; of his throaty chuckle that sounded like rumbling thunder, soft and comforting and of the way the smooth tanned skin of his seemed to deliberately antagonize Alec, as if it were a bright sun and he was a moth, making him nearly incapable of keeping his hands off of the Warlock, _his _Warlock. But then, moths were always too stupid to discern a light bulb from the sun and almost always died... It fit Alec all to well.

**.**

_Magnus silently breathed in and out, staring at the tears that made their way down his Shadowhunter's cheeks, and he slowly leaned forward, unable to just sit there when his beauty was in pain. He let his eyes flutter closed as he brushed a gentle kiss just underneath Alec's eye, making the drop of water that had been on its way to escaping stop in its path as he gently swiped his tongue across Alec's pale face, the salty taste of tears filling his mouth. He felt the shudder that ran through the boy beneath him._

**.**

He tightened his fist to the point where his fingernails were drawing blood, relishing in the pain. After all... He deserved it didn't he?

**.**

_"Alec," Magnus whispered once more, cupping the young Shadowhunter's face in-between his hands, tilting his head up to look into his eyes._

_At first Alec resisted but as Magnus added a slight pressure to his gentle grip it seemed the boy had given up, a deep shuddering breath escaping as he finally relented, allowing his face to be tipped upwards._

_"Look at me, Alec." Magnus murmured sternly before softening his voice to a soft whisper as he leaned closer. "_Please._"_

**.**

After all... He was freak. Just like everyone had said when he was a child.

**.**

_He held his breath anxiously, steeling himself as Alec's long black lashes fluttered, however nothing prepared him for what he saw. _

_"Oh, sweetheart." Magnus whispered painfully tears pricking his own eyes at the sight of his shy Shadowhunter so broken. Alec's once beautiful bright blue eyes were now a stormy grey, his expression so defeated and broken that it nearly broke Magnus's heart. He reached his long arms out, wrapping them around Alec's waist and pulling him close; engulfing his cold form in comforting warmth._

_At first Alec was stiff and unresponsive, before, with a choking sound, he lunged forward, bringing his arms tight around Magnus's waist as he buried his face in the hollow of his throat. _

**.**

"...Look at him..."

"He's so _weird_!"

"Hey! Move it would you? I don't have time to deal with you!"

"I bet you think you're so much better than us, huh?"

"Just because you're brother is Jace and your sister is Isabelle doesn't mean that you can just, talk to us!"

"Move it, _freak_."

**.**

_"Hush, love." Magnus crooned gently, stroking his black locks as Alec's hugged him as if he were the only thing anchoring him to the ground; which from the sounds Alec was making and the tears he felt dripping onto his nick, was probably true. _

_The Warlock twisted gently, pulling his distressed Shadowhunter into his arms as he rested his back against the wall, cradling his black-haired blue-eyed beauty in-between his legs._

**.**

And there it was, 'freak'. His name, his '_title_'.

**.**

_Magnus didn't know how long he sat there, whispering comforting words into the sobbing boy's ears as he stroked Alec's soft black hair and showered his pale face and neck with soft kisses in an attempt to calm him. All he cared about was getting a smile back onto his love's face and erasing that broken look from his memory. He _never _wanted to see that look _again_._

**.**

Alec staggered upwards, breathing heavily as he clutched at the counter leaving one shaking hand on the smooth surface as the other reached for the razor that always sat in the third drawer.

**.**

_Eventually Alec's heaving breaths and strangled sobs quieted down to soft sniffles and shallow breaths._

_"S-Sorry." Alec's meek voice drifted into Magnus' ears, making his eyes widen in surprise as he pulled back to look at his Shadowhunter, releasing one of his arms from the hold around Alec's waist in order to place it under his chin and tilt his head up once again._

_"Sweetheart, why were you crying?"_

**.**

The razor came down in a quick slash and for a moment everything was silent and still and then the pain and relief hit him. Making him collapse back onto the floor with a thump, shaking breaths leaving his parted lips.

**.**

_To his horror Alec's eyes began to water once again, filling Magnus with panic but before he could do anything the boy in his arms spoke._

_"Y-you p-probably think I-I'm a f-freak." Alec whispered through the lump in his throat._

_Magnus' eyes widened impossibly, making his already slited pupils seem to disappear and he immediately placed his hands on the young Shadowhunter's cheeks, forcing him to meet his gaze. "Alec, you are _not _a _freak_. Don't even _think_ that." _

**.**

He tilted his head back a ghost of a smile gracing his lips as a single tear fell from his eye, just in time for the second slash.

**.**

_When Alec gave no answer, Magnus began to panic, eyes searching his love's empty blues for a way to make him _understand_._

_"Alec, if anyone's a freak its me." He tried to laugh softly, a wild choking sound escaping him throat in replacement. "I mean for god's sake! Have you seen my wardrobe? I wear glitter and tight clothes... Clothes that you have voiced your opinion on before."_

_Alec shook his head, the most he could with Magnus' hands still on his cheeks. "That's not true, Mags." He whispered. "You're so beautiful and amazing and... Flawless."_

**.**

This was what helped, this pain. It helped him forget that he may never be able to be who he really was, that he may always have to sneak out every night to go see Magnus, if Magnus even still wanted him at that point, and that he would never be able to have both his life as a Shadowhunter and Magnus. Another tear escaped his now closed eyes as he brought the blade down, making the start of a second x.

**.**

_Magnus chuckled. "While the compliment is appreciated darling, I am far from flawless. Besides, between the two of us the one who would be reserved the title of 'flawless' would be you."_

**.**

A knew that this was being cowardly. That when he was done and had washed away the blood that nothing would change. That he would go back to pretending to be alright, that he was normal, that he wasn't in love with a Downworlder and that he didn't desperately want to be with him always.

**.**

_Alec sucked in a breath as if to argue before he was quickly cut off by Magnus. "You really can't see it can you?" He said solemnly, green eyes boring into Alec's blues._

**.**

He sobbed, fumbling with the blade as blood made it slippery, still not opening his eyes. He wondered how long Magnus would stay with him before realizing he was to much of a coward to tell his parents what he really was and finding someone else. Someone who was so much more suited for him, who was beautiful and smart and witty. Someone who was perfectly suited for him, unlike himself.

Another sob left his throat.

**.**

_"Alec," The Warlock whispered gently, moving his head closer until he was once again leaning his forehead against the boy's. "You're beautiful. Your blushes are incredibly adorable and your smile could make anyone's heart melt. Your eyes, when I can see them of course, have the ability to make my heart stop and your messy hair..." He tugged on it experimentally. "Is so damn cute."_

**.**

Yes, Magnus deserved to have someone who wasn't afraid of walking down the streets hand in hand, or of planting kisses on the smooth skin of his neck and face, something Alec had always wanted to do when he caught people staring at Magnus.

**.**

_"Your lips," he continued, moving closer as he did so until his hot breaths were washing over said lips, which were now parted. "Are so tempting and kissable that you have no idea how hard it is to hold myself back from jumping you in public." He smirked slightly at the crimson blush that spread across his Shadowhunter's face. "Your skin," Magnus continued thoughtfully, rubbing his thumb in circles as he leaned forward to breath into Alec's ear. "Is amazing." Alec shivered at the feel of his breath on his ear. "Even though its covered in scars and runes, its still amazingly perfect." Magnus placed a soft open mouth kiss on the faded rune on his neck, as if to prove his point._

**.**

Sometimes Alec wished he could just shout it to the world that he was gay and in love with a Warlock... But he couldn't.

**.**

_The Warlock leaned up once more to breath the words, "You're perfect." into the Shadowhunter's lips before pulling him into a fierce kiss._

**.**

'Perfect' was what Magnus had called him. Perfect. ...Perfect was not him.

**.**

_Alec panted heavily against Magnus' lips, reaching his hands up to tangle them into his slightly spiky locks, moaning when the Warlock pushed his tongue into his mouth, searching every crevice and dark corner._

**.**

Alec opened his eyes to look down at his wrist, taking in the way his skin was split open, the blood gushing out of the deep wounds; and he laughed a humorless laugh, a bitter smile tugging his lips upwards. Perfect, Alec snorted, shaking his head as a wave of dizziness washed over him, was not him.

**.**

_Magnus parted from Alec's lips with a heavy gasp, panting breaths escaping his parted lips as he glanced into his Shadowhunter's eyes before quickly kissing his way to Alec's ear. "You," Magnus murmured sternly, gently tugging on his ear lobe with his sharp teeth, "Are _not_ a freak, do you understand me Alexander?"_

**.**

Imperfection was more like it he thought dizzily, eyes closing slowly as he someone how ended up on his back looking up at the ceiling. Vaguely he realized that this was bad and that the world shouldn't be spinning and changing colors like that- But he just couldn't find it in himself to care.

**.**

_"Y-Yes!" He gasped unevenly, tilting his head to the side with a moan as Magnus began showering his neck with kisses, occasionally allowing his tongue to flick out and taste his pale skin._

**.**

The last thing he saw was the door opening, and seeing a tall shadow in the doorway before hearing a voice shouting his name in horror. And then he was enveloped in darkness, the image of wide green cat-like eyes floating through his mind.

**.**

_Magnus raised his head to meet his swollen pink lips one last time, moving his lips gently against Alec's before pulling away to rest his forehead against the young Shadowhunter's, allowing them both to catch there breath._

_"Good," he murmured, gazing into Alec's once again, ocean blue eyes. "I don't want to loose you, Alec. You're important to me... You know that right?"_

_Alec nodded wordlessly as he gazed into Magnus' soft green eyes._

_"You're important to me too, Mags."_

_Magnus' eyes seemed to _glow _with happiness and a excited smile lit up his face. "Well then, now that that's done," He smirked predatorily before winking at the now stunned Shadowhunter. "Care to ravish me gorgeous?" _

_Alec's blush was the brightest he had even seen._

**.**

* * *

**Whew. Well, all I can say is this was freaking long! 8 pages in Microsoft to be exact. I had no clue that this would go on so for long. So now the question lies here:**

**Would you like for me to write a companion to this on what happens afterwards, and if yes, would you like it from mostly Magnus' POV or Alec's? Or like this and both?**

**Or, there's the other choice of leaving it up to your imagination.**

**Totally up to you guys, just leave a comment and tell me. ;)**


	4. Fears

"Alec, darling." Magnus murmured worriedly, squeezing the boy's shaking hand in his own. "Are you sure you want to do this?"

The black-haired blue-eyed Shadowhunter took a breath, nodding in a few quick jerks. "I-I'm sure."

Magnus gave him an unsure look, not convinced at all but excepting the answer when Alec refused to look up. He heaved a heavy sigh, looking up at the building they were approaching, giving the Shadowhunter one last squeeze before with a simple twitch of his fingers the door now in front of them, flew open.

The Warlock led Alec up the stairs and to another mahogany wooden door, making that door fly open as well. The door closed behind them as the taller of the two walked straight to a bedroom full of splashes of color where he proceeded to push the boy gently onto the edge of the bed.

Leaving Alec there, Magnus walked over to his shockingly lime green vanity, opening a drawer and pulling out a small clear packet that held several indentations before moving back to the boy, letting his knees bend to kneel in front of his fearful love. "Last chance to back out." He whispered, gently brushing back the hair on the Shadowhunter's face.

"No." Alec whispered, eyeing the packet with apprehension. "I can do this."

Magnus ripped the packet open, pulling out a needle, what looked like a skull with a spear protruding out of the back and a silver backing. He grasped the needle in his fingers, letting magic gather in his hand until flames danced across the sharp object, heating it up and dispersing all the germs. He tilted the boys head to the side, brushing the hair off of his left ear as he grasped the needle in one hand, the other reaching for the skull.

"Alright, love. You can hold onto me if you need too alright?"

The boy nodded shakily, muscular arms immediately wrapping around the Warlock and pulling him close as Alec rested his head on Magnus' shoulder, shaking as he felt the heat of the needle coming closer and closer.

"It's alright, darling." Magnus murmured, feeling the boy's shudders before changing the topic abruptly in an effort to distract him. "Do you know what we should do after this?"

Alec squeezed his eyes shut, gasping as he felt the sharp tip poke into his earlobe. "What?" He gasped.

"We should go to that Ice cream place I was telling you about, they have _the best_ double chocolate swirl and since I'll have you with me I wont have to worry about that annoying pouka flirting with _the_ Magnificent Bane." He could feel the Shadowhunter's shaky laughter and smiled dimly, knowing he had accomplished his task as he struggled to push the needle in faster.

Alec whimpered at the feel of the needle slowly moving into his skin, his hands clutching at the other man's body as he struggled not to jerk away. It wasn't the pain that bothered him, no he was used to_ that_. It was the needle. The torture devices created by man in order to well... Torture. Whoever had invented the damn things, Alec thought with a wince, should have them shoved under_ his_ skin and see how he likes it.

Magnus smiled in relief as the tip finally poked through the other side, raising his other hand to slide the skull into place, taking the needle away and clicking the back onto the tip of the spear that went through Alec's ear.

"There!" Magnus said cheerfully, banishing the needle and the packet to a garbage near by. "All done!" He quickly kissed the Shadowhunter's ear before pulling back to look at the shaking boy worriedly.

"It's all done, love." He murmured, holding his hands up with a grin. "See?"

Alec opened his eyes fearfully, the whites of his eyes showing as he gazed at the Warlock in terror before finally finding his voice. "R-Really? It's... Done?"

"Yup!"

The Shadowhunter gaze a sigh of relief, relieved tears pooling into his eyes before he quickly pushed them away, leaning back to lay fully on the bed, pulling the Warlock down with him.

Magnus laid there in Alec's arms, stroking his hand across his hip as he stared off into the distance. "You know..." He murmured. "It's kind of ironic how, you're not afraid of demons and yet a teensy weensy needle scares you to the point of falling apart."

"It's not funny!" Alec complained, glaring at the ceiling as he felt the Warlock's laughter.

"It actually kind of is, love."

The Shadowhunter pouted before a wicked grin pulled his lips up into a non-Alec-like smirk. In fact it was more of a Magnus-type I'm-gonna-wish-you-never-said-that type of smirk. Either that or it was the I'm-gonna-fuck-you-till-you-can't-walk smirk. But eh. It's hard to tell.

"Says the one who's afraid of thrift stores."

The Warlock stiffened before sitting up, leaning over the still-smirking boy. "You promised never to mention that again."

Alec shrugged looking as innocent as possible. "Really? I don't remember that..."

Magnus gave an exasperated sigh, letting his head fall back onto his Shadowhunter's chest as he waved his manicured hands around. "I can't help it! I mean have you seen those places? They're always so so..."

"Not designer? Not new? Not so-expensive-it'll-take-my-entire-years-paycheck-to-buy?"

Magnus nodded seriously. "Exactly."

The Shadowhunter laughed, shoulders silently shaking and Magnus raised his head to stare at the boy solemnly.

"Promise never to speak of this again."

Alec nodded, still struggling to stop his laughter. "Deal."

They sealed it with a kiss.

* * *

**Cheesy ending I know. *sigh***

**This was basically me pushing my fears onto poor defenseless Alec. And before you ask, no I'm not afraid to get my ears pierced, (I've had them pierced for over four years) what I'm scared of are needles. They terrify me to the point of having a panic attack. *grimace* Not. Fun. Let me tell you.**

**I'm due to get a shot sometime this week or the following and since I usually get really jumpy before that time I'm venting everything out here.**

**God I wish I could have a Magnus to cling to when I get shots. *sighs dreamily before Alec shows up and glares menacingly at me* Eh ha ha... Just kidding! *cough* Not. *cough***

**So anyways, review and all that jazz!**

**;3**

**~TMTMFD**


	5. I Suppose It's a Good Thing

**I** S_u_p**p**_o_se _I_**t**'s a Go_o_d T**h**_i_n**g**._._**.**

* * *

Magnus found it incredibly shocking that nobody had ever noticed his Shadowhunter before. Sure, Alec did have a way of blending into the background and avoiding the spotlight, but really! How could anyone not notice those amazing baby blues and that adorable combination of dimples, crooked smile and blush? He was almost insulted for the Shadowhunter-

"Magnus." Alec gasped raggedly. "Stop thinking."

And Magnus proceeded to do just that. Getting lost in his love's gentle kisses and tender touches.

-No matter. He grinned. All the better for him. He never did like sharing anyways.

* * *

**So I figured it was about time I uploaded something to this. I know its short but I have several two to three paragraph one-shots that I jotted down and this was one of them. I'll upload the others as soon as I type them.**

**Oh! And to **Taste the Rainbow- Or Else: **That one-shot that you suggested should be done sometime around next week. :)**

**;3**

**~TMTMFD**


	6. Breathless

**B**r_e_at**h**l_e_s**s**

Alec had always been shy and awkward. Uneasy around people and keeping to himself and the shadows. So when he smiled for the first time in years and spoke above a whisper -telling a joke of all things!- needless to say people were shocked. All except for Magnus that is, who just sat there and smiled.

Really, he didn't understand why they were so surprised. His eyes softened as Alec laughed, his face getting animated as a bright smile lifted his lips upwards. It took Magnus' breath away.

Okay, he amended. Maybe he _could_ understand.


	7. You Broke My Shell

**Y**_o_u B**r**_o_k**e** _M_y S**h**e_l_l

Alec was almost always misjudged. He was shy so people assumed he was anti-social. He was quiet so he was weak. And of course, he was a Lightwood so he was scheming and proud. No one had ever looked past the surface, past assuming. So you would imagine his surprise when Magnus Bane, sparkly and loud, took it on himself to look beyond what people saw. To see who he really was.

No one had ever seen Alec's smile wider or brighter.


	8. Pretences Be Damned

**P**_r_et_e_**n**c_e_s B**e **_D_a**m**n_e_d

Alec had never met someone as flamboyant and out there as Magnus. To Magnus, being himself came naturally and the bright colors and crazy clothes were a part of him. He didn't try to be something he wasn't and to Alec, who had hidden who he was for over eight years in self-hatred, it was god damn refreshing.

It was because of who Magnus was that when Alec found himself smiling and laughing for the first time in ages, he didn't try to hide it. And seeing the just as smiling and laughing Warlock's face all he could say was; screw pretenses. He was done pretending. Done being something he wasn't. And looking at Magnus walking beside him hand in hand, he knew that the Warlock wouldn't have it any other way.

Alec grinned happily.


	9. Through Glass

**Song is: Through Glass by Stone Sour**

**Warnings: Hinted character death**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Magnus or Alec, I only own the plots that put them through hell.**

* * *

_I'm looking at you through the glass..._

_Don't know how much time has passed._

_Oh god, it feels like forever._

"Throughout my time I've been many things. A son, a demon, a monster, a orphan, a friend, a lover, a liar... I've been nearly anything a person can be. Because you see, when you live forever you can be anything and everything that you want to be and still have time to be something else. You can do everything you've ever possibly dreamed of doing and still have centuries left. It's really quite depressing when I think about it."

A soft snort escaped at the thought.

_But no one ever tells you,_

_That forever feels like home,_

_Sitting all alone inside your head._

"I often times wonder how I managed to keep track of myself through it all. Sometimes I'd look in the mirror only to wonder just who the hell was looking back at me. I'd find myself confused sometimes, unsure of just what face I should put on. But then I'd remember and the uncertainty would fade away into the back of my mind. Unimportant."

_How do you feel?_

_That is the question._

_But I forgot..._

_You don't expect an easy answer._

I don't really know why I bothered with it, really. Pretending that is. Why was I doing it again...? Oh that's right. "

He blinked slowly.

"It was something to do. Something to occupy both my mind and time. I didn't particularly enjoy it but then again I didn't exactly dislike it either. I supposed I'm not making much sense, now, am I, love?"

He sighed.

_When something like a soul,_

_Becomes initialized and folded up,_

_Like paper dolls and little notes._

_You can't expect a bit of hope._

_So while you're outside looking in,_

_Describing what you see..._

_Remember what you're staring at is me. _

"I've found that as the years wear on, my emotions grow more and more distant, until I've become nothing more than indifferent to it all. It was -_is_- incredibly dull."

_How much is real?_

_So much to question._

_An epidemic of the mannequins,_

_Contaminating everything. _

"People always make immortality out to be glamorous. Covering up the bad bits with benefits and glamour. People are so enamored with their fantasies that they hardly ever see the truth anymore. And they wonder why, when faced with the truth, it shocks and hurts so."

_When thought came from the heart,_

_It never did right from the start._

_Just listen to the noises._

_(No more sad voices)_

"I've often looked back on the day that I decided to freeze myself as a nineteen year old. How, at the time, I had thought I was ready to face a life of forever. How I had believed myself to be strong enough. How wrong I had been."

A bitter laugh fell from his lips, echoing in the air around him.

_Before you tell yourself,_

_It's just a different scene._

_Remember, it's just different from what you've seen._

"No one would ever be ready, no matter what they thought, no matter what they said... It was never enough. _Would_ never be enough. That's why I denied you, love. Why that was the one thing I refused to give you. I didn't want you to suffer as I have."

_And it's the stars,_

_The stars,_

_That shine for you._

_And it's the stars,_

_The stars,_

_That lie to you._

"I suppose that makes me selfish."

He smiled sadly.

"I'm sorry."

_Cause' I'm looking at you through the glass..._

_Don't know how much time has passed._

_All I know is that it feels like forever._

"I didn't do a very good job did I? I tried to protect you from pain and in doing so only caused you more."

_But no one ever tells you,_

_That forever feels like home,_

_Sitting all alone inside your head._

He leaned back, closing his eyes against the sadness.

"But you always forgave me didn't you? You were always so kind, so gentle... You never could hold a grudge. Not that I let you."

He laughed softly.

_And it's the stars,_

_The stars,_

_That shine for you._

_And it's the stars,_

_The stars,_

_That lie to you._

"Love I-"

He swallowed, becoming somber.

"I'm sorry for all the pain I've caused you, I'm sorry for withholding so much from you. I understand why you did it, I understand that I drove you to it and I- I forgive you. Can you forgive me?"

A soft breeze blew by, warmth carried in its embrace.

_Who are the stars?_

_Who are the stars;_

_They lie._

He shuddered, a sob catching in his throat as he turned to the cool stone behind him, placing a soft kiss on the name engraved there.

"I love you Alexander."

* * *

**Okay so this... Was really unexpected. I heard this song and immediately thought 'Magnus!' and I couldn't help but go with it. The beginning was a little rough and then I got the idea of having Magnus speaking and.. Yeah. As you can see (hopefully) Alec is dead and Magnus is talking to him (or his grave). As for the last part I wasn't really sure where the hell that was aimed for though the thought of 'Camille' came up once or twice. So I was thinking that maybe Alec died at Maureen's hand? You can imagine whatever you wish, that was just where my mind was going at the end.**

**Reviews mean more Malec and everybody wants some Malec! ;)**

**PS: I'm probably gong to write a one-shot to balance out the angst in this where Alec gains imortality. It'll probably be just a brief look at Alec's and Magnus' life together. :)**

**;3**

**~TMTMFD**


	10. AU: A Favor and Story Progress

Hey guys! I have a favor to ask you. I'm having trouble deciding what Malec project I want to work on next so I'd really appreciate it if you would take a look at the poll on my profile and tell me what you want next! :)

On another note... Those who wanted the sequel/companion to Perfect Is Not Me: I've already started up on it so it should (hopefully) be up by Monday. :)

I'm also trying to work out a plot for that fluffy one-shot about Alec's and Magnus' life in immortality.

AND last but not least... I have a one-shot that (once I find the time to write it) should be up soon, about a drunken Alec and Magnus' rather... Bad influence. The idea courtesy of _Taste the Rainbow- Or Else._

;3

~TMTMFD


	11. Last To Know

**Song is: Last To Know by Three Days Grace**

**Warnings: Break-up, angst... Generally just allot of sadness**

**Disclaimer: Don't own. Stop reminding me. :P**

* * *

_She just walked away._

_Why didn't she tell me?_

_And where do I go tonight?_

_This isn't happening to me!_

_This can't be happening to me!_

_..._

_She didn't say a word._

_Just walked away._

"Alexander, this has to end. I can't do this anymore."

Those were the words that broke his world apart. The words that completely and utterly destroyed any remains of the heart that he had managed to scrummage from the damage his life had left it in. Those words had taken those shards that he had painstakingly put back together and smashed through them, leaving them in dust. Unsalvageable.

When he had first heard them he hadn't been able to do a thing. He had just stared blankly at the person in front of him, ears buzzing and mind completely blank. His blue eyes had fixed themselves on that tanned face, looking numbly into expressionless green/gold eyes.

"What?" It had come out as a whisper, barely even there, but Magnus had heard it none-the-less. The warlock had let out a long sigh, eyes sliding shut only to open again with the shake of his head.

"I can't be with you anymore, Alec."

An uncomfortable pressure started in his chest, as if someone was slowly tightening their fist around his heart, tightening around the organ that began to speed its rhythm.

"Why?"

Alec could have sworn he saw a flash of agony in Magnus' eyes before it was gone, replaced by a look that almost seemed like pity.

"I don't want to be with you anymore Alexander. I was stupid to let it get this far."

Alec sucked in a sharp breath, a sharp pain twinging in his chest as his brain slowly started to come back to life. He wished it would have just stayed asleep.

"Magnus... I don't-" He took a steadying breath, pushing back the tears that threatened to rise. "I don't_ understand_."

"I think you do, Alec. I think you understand perfectly." Magnus turned to go, walking towards the door, pausing with his hand on the handle. Alec could've sworn his hand shaked. "I don't want to see you anymore. We... We're through."

Alec blinked, shaking his head because this person was not Magnus, this person who was breaking him, destroying him, this couldn't be Magnus. Not kind, beautiful, funny, sweat, caring Magnus, who had held him while he cried over Max, stayed by him when he was bed ridden from injuries, kissed his forehead and stroked his hair as he fell asleep, whispering 'I love you' in his ear. This was not Magnus who he had given his heart to -or what was left of it anyways- his _soul_ to. No. This was not him. It _couldn't_ be.

He sucked in a sharp breath. "I-, Magnus, I- What did I do?" Because he had to have done something. It had to have been something horrible for Magnus to react like this. And now, because he hadn't know, because he hadn't thought about it Magnus was angry, he was breaking up with him-

"You did nothing Alec. And that's the problem." The warlock who Alec had though had loved him, who he had loved in return, who he had been prepared to give his life up for to be with, opened the door, moving into the hallway without a glance back, the door shutting behind him and leaving Alec in an empty room with a broken heart.

Alec was sure, that had anyone been there, they would have heard the loud roar that overtook his ears and made him fall to his knees in agony. He was sure that they would have heard the tinkling of glass falling to the floor and he was sure that they would have seen the fragile glass of his heart shattered around him, ground down beyond identification.

Had anyone been in the room, they would have seen Alexander Lightwood, someone who hid his tears behind a smile, who always put up a strong front, who always hid himself from others, finally break. They would have seen the way his once beautiful clear sky-blue eyes faded to a dull gray and they would have seen the look of utter devastation on his pale face. They would have seen the look of a boy who had grown up to fast face the destruction of his entire world.

They would have seen Alexander Lightwood die.

_You were the first to say,_

_That we were not okay._

_You were the first to lie,_

_When we were not alright._

Isabelle knew something was wrong when Alec came home with red-rimmed empty eyes instead of going to Magnus' flat to spend the night like he usually did. She wanted to go to him, to ask what was wrong, but the look of utter defeat held her in her place in the shadows of the kitchen, watching as he trudged up the stairs with his head low.

The next day he threw himself into training and she watched him drench himself in sweat, watched himself push himself until he could barely breath, until his muscles quivered from exhaustion, and then watched him push himself that much more further. She watched from the side-lines, silent and saddened, wanting to stop this monstrous train-wreck and yet knowing that this was what her brother needed.

That night he went out alone. She thought he had gone to see Magnus and with a relieved smile she hadn't thought twice of going out with Simon. She never noticed the gear and weapons that were missing until she came home to see Alec bloodied and passed out on the Institute's cold hardwood floors.

She went to see Magnus the morning after, because she knew it had something to do with Magnus it always did. It wasn't;t until she rung the buzzer and made her way up the steps and to the door that she understood. A vulturous blond with pale skin and full red lips with gleaming eyes answered the door, a loose shirt that Isabelle recognized as one of Magnus' less extravagant clothes draped across her body.

"Camille who is it-"

She stared at Magnus, horrified eyes darting between the blond and the warlock she had though she knew, who she had once considered a friend, _a close friend_ and couldn't recognize the man she saw.

She barely;y managed to open her mouth but when she did her words held the fury and utter agony that she felt at the situation, a surge of triumph surging up around her when he flinched.

"All the people who've hurt him. Of all the people I never thought I'd include you in the list, _Warlock_."

And as she raced back down the steps, the tingling voice of the blond ringing through her ears she distantly realized- The shirt that the blond was wearing. Magnus had worn that to the Institute when Maryse had invited him over in a un-Maryse-like idea of having dinner with them. She had never seen Alec smile brighter than when her Mother had hugged him, whispering in his ear that she approved.

_This was my first love,_

_She was the first to go._

_And when she left me for you..._

_I was the last to know._

Jace knew something was wrong when Isabelle came running home, face flushed and hands shaking as a few stray tears fell from her cheeks. He knew that when she ran into the kitchen looking torn between wanting to rip something apart and screaming in agony that whatever was wrong it wasn't't something that he was prepared for. He was right.

"Magnus broke up with Alec. He's got some-some blond vampire bitch in his apartment."

Jace blinked, the piece of toast he had been reaching for forgotten. His brain took a moment to process this before his thoughts where whirling around in an uncontrollable storm.

"Are you sure?" He couldn't help but ask, hoping beyond hope that she was mistaken.

"For god's sakes!" Isabelle hissed, eyes flashing. "Of course I'm sure! Alec's been acting strange, nearly got himself killed last night, and the blond was wearing Magnus' shirt! What the hell do you think that means Jace?"

Jace stood, going over to pull his sister into a hug, awkwardly stroking her hair as she sobbed into his shoulder, all the fight leaving her.

"Oh god Jace. What are we supposed to do about Alec? He was finally happy and now- This! It isn't _fair_."

No. Jace thought. It wasn't't fair. He thought of the days Alec came home with a grin on his face, eyes gleaming and cheeks flushed, not even bothered when Jace made a snide remark about rainbows and bow-tox. He remembered the way Alec's eyes had gleamed in pride after he had kissed Magnus in front of the entire Clave, nervous but happy as he held the Warlock's hand in his own. He thought of all the times Alec had laughed, something he hadn't done in years without struggling to hide it. He remembered Alec being happy. ...Because of Magnus. He wondered if happiness was even an option for his brother anymore.

_Why didn't she tell me?_

_Where to go tonight?_

_She didn't say a word._

_She just walked away!_

Alec knew it was a bad idea to go to Taki's, especially with blood dripping from his gear and a gash on his left shoulder. He supposed had he been like he was before he would have used a stele to heal himself, or maybe even waited to go to Magnus' to feel the soothing presence of the Warlock's magic swirling around him, soothing his aches and bruises. He supposed he might have cared before. But not now. Not anymore.

He moved through the door, closing his eyes and breathing in the scents around him. He could smell the food that had once had his mouth watering in anticipation and moved to a open table, distantly moving his shoulder as to not have the blood drip onto the floor but instead down his arm. He sat himself into the cushioned booth, gazing blankly at a worried waitress -McKeenzy or something or the other- allowing her to hand him a towel to wrap around his arm before asking for his order. He replied emotionlessly, saying the first thing that came to the top of his head and then nearly cringing at the pain that washed through the invisible cavity of his chest. It was what Magnus ordered. What he would devour with that child-like expression in his eyes, grinning that cheshire grin of his.

He leaned his head back with a sigh, letting his eyes close in defeat as he swallowed back the tears that weren't there anymore. He was distantly aware of the phantom beating of his chest and he took comfort in it, because even though he knew his heart was still and dead the illusion helped him.

After all, he had people to live for. Even if he no longer cared to live for himself.

_You were the first to say,_

_That we were not okay._

_You were the first to lie,_

_When we were not alright._

The deep laughter was what brought him back from his mind, reverberating through his head until he had to shake his head to clear himself of it. He stiffened, lifting a large fry to his mouth before glancing up from his lashes. When he saw nothing he relaxed, a relieved sigh escaping his mouth. And that was when he saw her.

Camille Belcourt.

She was stunning as usual, or at least, he assumed she was considering the glances she was receiving. However, she wasn't't what drew his eyes, no, it was the man at her arm, sliding into a booth beside her, arm wrapped around her shoulder. Alec inhaled sharply, reaching a hand up claw at his chest, a sharp pain lacing through where the organ should have been like the shaft of a released arrow.

She was clad in a red dress -red, Magnus hated red- and her blond hair fell down around her shoulders. Magnus was clad in a pair of skin tight dark-blue jeans that were splattered artfully with white paint. A loose shirt that revealed the strip of skin above his waist fell around his shoulders in a bright purple and several rings and earrings decorated his hands and ears. His eyes were racooned with a dark charcoal with silver specks of glitter.

He was stunning. And oh god, did it_ hurt_.

The waitress chose then to come with his check and he shoved a few bills in to her hands, much more than was needed he knew, muttering a quick 'keep the change' before darting back out in to the night, barely even caring that his blood splattered down onto the clean floor, or that a pair of green/gold eyes followed after him in shock.

_This was my first love,_

_She was the first to go._

_And when she left me for you..._

_I was the last to know._

The days that followed were hard to say the least. Everywhere he went he saw the way Magnus had held Camille to his side, the same smile on his face, that same look of adoration that he had once given Alec. He saw how beautiful she was, saw the way Magnus' eyes looked at her appreciatively and felt shame well up in his chest.

He often wondered if that was why it had happened. If it was because he wasn't't attractive enough. Witty enough. Outgoing. Funny. Seductive. And the list went on and on.

Alec wanted to ask Magnus if he ever regretted his decision, but he quickly forgot about it as soon as he recalled the two of them together. The worst part was that he couldn't even be angry at the Warlock for using him and then losing him. He had been expecting it really, if he was being truthful. But when he though about it, how cruel could Magnus get?

The Warlock had spent so much time getting him to believe that he loved him, that he was perfect, that he wouldn't want anyone else in the world. He had whispered it over and over and over again as they made love, as they laid on his hot pink couch, as they walked hand and hand down the street. He had made Alec believe that maybe, just maybe, he was worth something., He had made him believe that he was able to love and be loved, that he wasn't as pathetic and hideous and weak as he had though himself. Magnus had made him believe he actually loved him. And just as Alec had begun to believe it Magnus had shattered him.

Alec wondered if everything he thought he'd known about his once-love had been a lie.

_I'll be the first to say,_

_That now I'm okay._

_And for the first time,_

_I've opened up my eyes._

_This was my worst love!_

_You'll be the first to go!_

He was getting better. He didn't wake up with the phantom pain of his heart being crushed and ripped apart. He didn't claw at his chest as if shards of glass were slowly piercing through. He didn't hear the intoxicating ring of Magnus' laugh ring in his ears anymore and the brilliant cheshire grin didn't flash before his eyes every time he looked at the moon.

He was getting better. But that didn't mean he was ever going to be fixed again.

_And when she leaves you for dead,_

_You'll be the last to know._

Alec knew that going to a party would be a bad idea, let alone a Downworlder party, but like the idiot he was he'd allowed Izzy to drag him along.

It had not been ten minutes that he'd been there when he saw them. They were in a heated discussion, Magnus' hands were clenched and a world of agony was contained in his eyes as Camille turned with a swirl of blond and red. As Magnus leaned against the wall, posture slumped Alec felt the all consuming need to go to the love that had deserted to him. To take him in his arms and tell him that it would be okay. To ask him if he needed someone to hold him as he slept to escape the nightmares that haunted him -and Alec could tell from the dark rings the Warlock had struggled to cover with glitter that he _was _having them- and to tell Magnus that he wsn't alone that Alec was there, would _always _be there-

He closed his eyes, a sob rising from his throat. Because he couldn't. Not after everything. Besides he doubted Magnus would want him of all people to anyways. He probably wanted that vampire. The one with the good looks and the charm to match. The one that accented him perfectly. Alec opened his eyes, taking in a sharp breath when he met a pair of green/gold eyes. They stared at each other for a moment before Magnus gave him a small sad smile, mouthing two words that ground the dusty remains of his heart into nothing but vapor.

"I'm sorry."

He staggered back, tears flooding his eyes because he couldn't do this, Magnus_ couldn't _do this to him, not again, not after he'd just begun to _mend, _not after he'd begun to_ heal_-

He bumped into someone, nearly falling over until a slightly tan hand reached out and pulled him up right.

"Whoa there." A rumbling voice laughed,. "Be careful, wouldn't want you to get hurt now, would we?"

Alec looked up to meet the eyes of the man before him, letting out a sharp gasp. A pair of gentle brown eyes looked back at him, rings of green and hazel weaved throughout. Dark chestnut hair fell into the man's eyes, brushing the tips of his cheekbones.

The man looked him over, eyes softening in concern as he reached a hand up to brush a thumb across his cheek, collecting a tear that threatened to fall. "At least not more than you've already been hurt."

Alec blinked, starstruck and unable to move.

The man took a step back, smiling at him as he stuck a hand out. "My name's Cameron, what's yours?"

Alec automatically took it within his own, smiling for the first time in months. "Alexander. But call me Alec."

* * *

**I give up on deadlines. Seriously. *sigh* I know I said I'd have the sequel up to PINM and two other one-shots but I've been extremly busy. My brother had his birthday party and my cousins came down and then I had an all day float-down-the-river-in-tubes-day (where I smashed into rocks like no ones buisness and froze to death) topped with trying to get through summer school... I haven't had allot of time. I'll try to get it up by next week but I won't make any promises. **

**With all that said...**

**How did you like the angst topped with angst which was topped with just a tiny cherry filled with angst and a possibly-happy-Alec-ending? Review and tell me! :)**

**;3**

**~TMTMFD**


	12. My Eternity Is Yours

**The awaited 'a look into Magnus' and Alec's life in immortality'...**

**ajdfnasfnoefnoksdmvlksdnf. You have no freaking idea how frustrated I am right now. I had this almost finished, with only like a paragraph or two to go and what did the stupid thing do? The page canceled out saying 'Page expired'! God! This is why I hate actually typing on FF instead of on a word document! *throws things around* I tried re-writing it but then I got pissed off because it wasn't as good as the first time -and the first time was perfect- so I quit and then I came back and now I'm just pissed off again. :'(**

**So with that said, I apologize if the ending sucks –and by ending I mean from **"Alec gaped at him, mouth opening and closing until he was sure he resembled a fish out of water as a crimson red blush spread its way across his cheeks. "I- You- Tha- What?" **Down.**

**I tried to re-write what I had already written down but I didn't get everything down to a 'T'. Sorry. *sulks in a corner***

* * *

**M**_y_ Et**e**_r_ni**t**_y __I_s **Y**ou_r_s

"**Because it's always the phouka's fault…"**

* * *

"…_Over here. And watch out for the phouka."_

"_Watch out for the phouka?" Jace repeated._

"_He pinched me when I passed his earlier," Alec said stiffly. "In a highly personal area."_

_~City of Bones, page 237,_ _Alec and Jace ~_

* * *

"You know, there's this thing called _cameras_. They take these things called pictures and _oddly enough_, it does _not_ require you staring at someone for extended periods of time. _In fact_, if you take a _picture_, you can stare at _that _without burning holes in the actual _person_ that you would otherwise be staring at." Alec's dry and some-what sarcastic response was met with silence for a moment before-

"This is _all _your fault."

Alec blinked, frowning as his eyes moving from the faded page of the book he was reading to give the Warlock that was sitting across from him, currently lounging on a comfy purple chair and staring at him, a bewildered look. "What?"

"This." Magnus gestured lazily down at himself before pointing at the Shadowhunter. "Is. All. Your. Fault." He wiggled his fingers at the boy.

Alec sighed, closing his book gently after placing a thin bookmark in the old pages, placing it on the cherry wood coffee table next to him. "Okay, you've got my undivided attention." He turned his body towards his love, directing a calm and level gaze on the Warlock. "Now, what are you on about?"

"The phouka." Magnus stated, as if it explained everything.

Alec nodded as if this made perfect sense. "The phou-" He paused as if finally computing what Magnus had said, brows furrowing in confusion. "What?"

"He's annoying."

"Just to clarify, what phouka are you talking about?" Alec asked carefully.

"The one at the party. You know," Magnus gestured at himself, making a gesture at every detail. "The one with the bright red hair with the silver streaks? The one with the large lemon-yellow eyes? The one who's always _flirting _with you?" The last sentence was ground out through gritted teeth, manicured nails curling inwards to press into soft palms.

"Oh." Alec murmured, nodding slightly with a frown. "I remember him. He's very... Touchy."

Magnus scowled at this. "I know."

Alec crossed his legs, attracting the Warlock's gaze to the slightly-tighter than normal no-holes-to-be-seen jean covered slender leg, before he went back to pouting.

"So this is about the phouka. The touchy phouka." Alec clarified.

Magnus nodded.

"And the fact that he... Flirts, bothers you."

Magnus stood, eyes burning angrily. "Of course it bloody bothers me! He's always touching you, always flirting with you, always just-just- UGG!" He threw his hands up in the air as he began pacing back and forth across the fuzzy lime green carpet at his feet.

Alec, startled at his outburst, but quickly recovering, struggled to get a word in. "I-"

"Which brings me back to the fact: That this. Is. Your. Fault." The Warlock twisted to glare at his Shadowhunter, standing just in front of him with arms crossed over a barely-covered chest.

"My fault?" Alec was officially bewildered now.

"Yes." Magnus said, nodding slightly, eyes narrowed. "It is." When Alec gave no inclination as to understanding he elaborated. "Because you're so incredibly and adorably gorgeous."

Alec gaped at him, mouth opening and closing until he was sure he resembled a fish out of water as a crimson red blush spread its way across his cheeks. "I- You- Tha- What?" He finally managed to stutter out an answer, blush in full-scale mode now.

"Because you're so gorgeous people are always flirting with you, touching you, looking at you, and I always have to make sure that they know you're taken, that you're mine."

Alec threw manicured hands up in the air –courtesy of Magnus of course. "Oh well, I _apologize_ for the unwanted attention. Next time I'll wear a paper bag over my head." He stated dryly.

Magnus frowned, moving forward to catch one of Alec's hands, holding it gently in his grasp as he arranged himself so that he stood between Alec's legs, looking down at the Shadowhunter. "That's not what I meant."

Alec's eyes softened as the Warlock placed a gentle kiss on his pulse point, letting out a sift sigh at the contact. "I know."

"What I meant," Magnus continued, placing kisses on his love's hand, fingers and lower arm. "Was that everyone seems to think that you're free to take, free to _steal_."

Alec reached up his free hand, cupping Magnus cheek in his hand. "Mangus Bane. When are you going to realize that I am yours –will _always_ be yours- and that nothing, and no one, is going to change that?"

Magnus shrugged, his face a mask of indifference. "Eh, give or take a couple hundred years."

Alec shook his head, lips twisting up into a wistful smile. "For someone who's centuries old you sure are dense." When Magnus opened his mouth as if to reply, Alec continued, voice gentle but stern. "Magnus, I wouldn't give my mortality up for just anyone you know. In fact, if it had been anyone else, I probably _wouldn't_ have done it. But it_ is_ you and because of that, I'm afraid you're stuck with me."

Magnus' eyes melted into twin pools of gold, sighing gently as Alec's black-painted finger nails –again, courtesy of Magnus- ran through the strands of hair at his temple. It was much longer now, just brushing the tops of his shoulders with bangs that he was constantly pushing out of his eyes. He had kept it down today with the knowledge that his Shadowhunter liked it better that way.

Alec tugged him closer until Magnus was straddling his lap, breath ghosting across his face. "Magnus," The Shadowhunter whispered gently. "As long as you want me, I'll stay."

"I'll always want you, sweetness." Magnus murmured back, nudging his nose gently into his lover's.

Alec smiled softly, tilting his head up to kiss the Warlock, hands burying themselves into silk-like ebony locks. "Then I'll never leave."

* * *

**Reviews are love! ;)**

**;3 **

**~TMTMFD who hopes this was okay :)**


	13. AN: New Site

**Hey guys! Sorry to get your hopes up for an update (which will be coming soon) but I just wanted to get this out there:**

There is a new site dedicated to Malec fics that has been made by MaybeTheresHope and Wekya.

Since that thing about deleting certain stories with adult content is going on I'd just like to sugest that as a good site to upload your Malec fics onto is:

you-

are-

not-

trivial

.

net

It's rather easy to work and browse around so you don't have to worry about working out new systems and such. If you get a chance check it out! :)

;3

~TMTMFD

**[edit]** Okay just to clarify. I'm still posting stories up here and will continue to do so for as long as FF will let me. I'm not 'running away' whatever that's supposed to mean. I just want you guys to know that there are options other than the regular adultFF, AO3 ext. K? :)


End file.
